“You are The One…I believe in You…” That line is repeated ad nauseum in the Matrix movies. You should be hearing it even more from former Matrix fans in line for The Return of the King this December. The Matrix Revolutions is certainly unique in its power – not only is it one of the dumbest movies ever made, it reveals both movies that preceded it as dumber than we ever suspected. These movies are ultimately so bad, one feels a duty to proclaim it from the rooftops.

The Wachowski brothers received a lot of undue praise for the recycling effort that was the original Matrix. Any high school geek could have tossed together a similar hodge-podge of religious, mythological, and science fiction references – George Lucas did it more than twenty years earlier, and even Star Wars was little more than the sum of its derivations (The Matrix movies are essentially derivations of derivations.) Perhaps most people can be forgiven for reading more into The Matrix than was actually there (except seminarians, who should have known better.) Fans of the first movie were disappointed by the second movie, which failed to raise the metaphysical bar (on the other hand, lowering the bar is a good thing when you’re in a limbo competition…) By the second movie they were feeling a bit embarrassed, perhaps, which they converted into anger at the movie itself. I don’t think the Wachowskis deserve the criticism, because the first movie wasn’t worthy of all that admiration to begin with. The Matrix Revolutions is an implosion – it’s the most literal of the three, and by attempting to wrap up the concepts introduced in the first two, we see the limitations of the original vision. It was a skeleton to begin with, but the fancy lighting and special effects made it appear to be more than it was; now, the emperor’s new clothes are finally revealed. By the final scenes of the trilogy, with its Christ-imagery culminating a silly Rocky-esque parody (an unintentionally hilarious, rain-drenched fight to the finish that never seems to finish), you’re shouting “DUUUUHHHH” at the screen…

Amidst all of the hoopla about the “revolutionary” influence of the Matrix movies (most of which was granted to the first, some to the second, and probably very little to the third, despite its superior effects and editing), it seems to have been overlooked that they aren’t especially engaging in the ways great fiction should be. Reviewers used to complain when special effects were given more attention than character and plot; one major change ushered in by the Matrix films is that now people complain when the special effects aren’t up to a certain level. There’s a huge battle sequence in Revolutions that looks amazing – it bears more than a passing resemblance to James Camerons’ Aliens. Unfortunately, the 25-minute sequence looks amazing for about 24 minutes too long. The Wachowskis can’t get beyond imitating Cameron’s look, and they never cause the audience to care, even for a moment, what all the commotion is about.

A.O. Scott has a great line in his NY Times review: “Mr. Reeves, perhaps worried that he was showing too much range, has purged himself of all expression apart from a worried frown and a sorrowful grimace.” The movie inspires quotes of this kind – it deserves them. Judging by fan-boy call for Lisa Schwartzenbaum’s removal following her Entertainment Weekly online review, critics might best keep silent for awhile. As The Matrix Revolutions tells us, some things are inevitable – bad movies like this will become major hits which will yield more bad movies down the line. I remember David Ansen’s clever tag-line quote for JFK: “Don’t trust anyone who says this movie isn’t true.” One might adapt the line for Revolutions: “Don’t trust anyone who thinks this movie is any good.” Friendships may be divided, relationships ended. But we must realize that such things are probably inevitable. In the words of the Oracle: “Everything that has a beginning has an end.” We can only hope…