I don’t own a gun. I’ve never fired a gun. I considered volunteering for the armed services, but a friend pointed out that I’d probably have to fire a gun, and that was the end of that.

See, I paid attention when I read that if you shoot somebody, you’re shooting to kill. I’m not prepared to kill anybody, or anything. (OK, I kill spiders, but only under duress. I live with two bloodthirsty women.) Also, I have a real problem with other people deciding that I need to die.

I don’t have a problem with hunters who use guns, as long as they aren’t shooting anyplace I might catch a stray bullet. I also understand the armed services might have to shoot people who would kill us, even if I think their masters don’t always look hard enough for alternatives.

Here’s the thing. I know NOTHING about hardware. When social media arguments rage about clip size and what constitutes a semi-automatic, I can’t contribute. But, I know what guns do. We all read about what they do, on a daily basis.

The idea that good people with guns can stop bad people with guns is just silly. It’s infantile, no matter how many Buzzfeed videos protest the contrary (“The liberal media will never report this – shooter tries to open fire in a bar, YOU WON’T BELIEVE WHAT HAPPENS NEXT.”)

First, everyone thinks they’re the good guy. One night, at a four-way stop, an idiot got out of his car and charged me because he was angry that I hadn’t gone when he waved at me. If we’d opened fire, the “good guy” would have been the faster shot. History is written by the winners.

Second, other countries SEEM TO HAVE REDUCED gun violence with legislation. I don’t know for sure if the United Stated can reduce gun violence with similar legislation. But simply stating “[Proposed firearm legislation] won’t make us safer” is a willfully ignorant statement.

Here’s what it really means: “At least one shooting is going to occur after [proposed firearm legislation], at which point I’m going to say, ‘I told you so.'” (And for what it’s worth, those people like to claim that mental health care, or Jesus, or everyone else having a gun, is the better answer. Occam’s Razor suggests a better course.)

If other countries SEEM TO HAVE REDUCED gun violence with [proposed firearm legislation], can’t we at least study it? Turns out, we can’t. The CDC is prohibited by law from using Federal funds to study gun violence. The United States government has already decided we can’t do a study to find a solution.

Here’s the bottom line, from almost every firearm advocate: ME, ME, ME. “I am entitled to keep my family safe.” “I am entitled to make the decision to end someone’s life if I feel threatened.” (Or, let’s face it, even if you just don’t like someone, or if you’re having a bad day.) “I am entitled to take up arms against a corrupt government.” STOP right there. Seriously? You’re going up against the best-armed military force in the world. You have NO CHANCE whatsoever.

But blah, blah, Second Amendment, Founding Fathers, liberty, freedom, blah blah. People love the Second Amendment because they think it enshrines their right to keep and play with lethal toys. Just maybe, the Second Amendment needs to be amended.

Like I said, I don’t own a gun.  So shoot me.